Have no fear, Sherlock is here defrosting my fridge with a hairdryer. I’m not at all optimistic that the man I called out to fix my fridge has ever opened a fridge door before. To the refrains of ‘that’s very interesting’, I’m trying to have faith in the man. But time is running out. Already, we’re about to eat soggy defrosted fish fingers for lunch and I’m googling Dinners for emergency defrosted freezer food. Whatsmore, I’m struggling to ignore my Granda’s Kerrymen jokes streaming from my memory banks. I have afterall, produced three future Kerrymen and married one. A good one. But it’s difficult when you’re watching a boyo swirl a hairdryer whilst saying ‘Quick draw’ in your kitchen.

Well, he might get to the bottom of the Mystery of the Noisy Motor by teatime, if not, readers, don’t be stuck for defrosted mackerel.