Why are you coming in the back door? Never mind. Oh yeah, might want to hold your nose, farmyard odours and nappies battling it out for attention in the back kitchen. Oh, and block your eyes to the mountain of dirty washing and opposing basket of clean washing yet to be folded. Any year now. Come on, to the kitchen. Oh mind the bicycle. And that one.

Ah now, this is a bit more social. Keep it down boys. Yeah, that’s Nina Simone. “Ain’t got no, I got life.” Might want to pick the self pitying mother with no sleep up off the floor and tell her to throw on a bit of lipstick and put on the kettle. French toast and strawberries anyone? Turn off the TV lads. Come on, it’s a bit nippy but there’s sunshine and we’re eating brunch alfresco. Hold the baby a second. Perfect.  Sam, stop scratching! Never work with children or animals they say. Sit down for yourself. One lump or two?